This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
