i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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