I love black thongs
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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