I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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