Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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