Already got asked if we're dating
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
