Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
