Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
