we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
