You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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