I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
