if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
