She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Randomize
