Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
