sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
