The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
