You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
worst night to have a conscience
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
