Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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