Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
