I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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