she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
