im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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