she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
