This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
