I puked a lego.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
