I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
