There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
