I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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