well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
