wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
