Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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