Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
