i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
