She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
