I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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