Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
