Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize