dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
