I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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