Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
