That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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