Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When did angry sex become our thing?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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