Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
