these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
