I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
