Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
