So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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