My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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