pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i now understand why vodka
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
