Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
