I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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