You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
