Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
