He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
