no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
