And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
