"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
