I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize