allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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