then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
