Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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