Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Someone shit on the floor
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
