Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
