please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
