if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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