Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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