it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
