Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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